LAS ALMAS , NV — On the night of September 20th, yet another shooting occurred. What appeared to start as a simple engagement between two men that appeared to dislike each other quickly devolved into something much more sinister.
“Yeah, one of them was Italian. You know…the real Italian type. The ones that speak Italian and also pronounce their r sounds as “As”? He called the tall European guy “-explicative redacted- suckah. Pretty funny if you ask me. But the guy didn’t react to it. You know how all those Russians and Ukrainians are. They’re always so serious. This guy was too, probably why he got called that in the first place.” said a regular. “Then for absolutely no reason the -explicative redacted- suckah pulled a gun and told him not to move. It all went to hell from there.”
Other reports state multiple other assailants that joined in on the fight, though the exact number is not known. “I don’t know, dude – there were so many people! But the Russian guy got the other guy real good in the gut. I don’t know if he lived. Can you even live through something like that?”
Guns continued to blaze for a period of time. “The original shooters managed to sneak out the back door! I know some were going to follow. But I don’t know what they found. I swear, I felt a bullet graze me. Or it was like a fly that flew by right at that time. I don’t really know, everything was just so..crazy. I still have no idea why that guy just started shooting out of the blue.”
It is unclear who attacked The Hex Night Club and spread fear through a place that was once meant for partying and lost inhibitions for many. Though one thing is reported repeatedly, the initial shooter was not a native, and his accent was most certainly Eastern European. If anyone has more information about the culprit, please contact the Sheriff’s Office immediately.